


the strength to stay

by thefullergirl



Category: X1 (Korea Band)
Genre: Domestic, Fluff, Holding Hands, Lazy Mornings, M/M, Morning Cuddles, Pining, RPF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:07:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21618094
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefullergirl/pseuds/thefullergirl
Summary: Lee Hangyul lingers a bit longer.
Relationships: Kim Yohan/Lee Hangyul
Comments: 8
Kudos: 81





	the strength to stay

**Author's Note:**

> my first fic for this fandom! it's shorter than what i'm used to but uh, well.

_ How do I leave now? _

Hangyul looks at the boy currently sleeping, bundled up in the blankets that he refused to share with him the previous night. Yohan isn’t much of an early riser, and isn’t likely to wake up even if Hangyul moves around a bit. When Yohan’s like this, his hair messy from sleep and his face peaceful, it’s especially hard to look away.

Carefully, Hangyul reaches out his hand to push back the hair that’s fallen in the other boy’s face. He makes sure the touch doesn’t linger, in the event that Yohan still wakes up from it. Hangyul wants the moment to stretch on for as long as possible, and he doesn’t want to ruin it.

Truth be told, he really shouldn’t have stayed the night. He had already met the parents, the sisters. They sat him down and fed him, their smiles so much like Yohan’s that his heart skipped a few beats whenever they looked at him warmly. He had insisted on going, saying that he should go back before it got too late, but they wouldn’t have it. 

Before he knew it, a spare mattress was put into Yohan’s room, and the other boy insisted on sleeping there since he was their guest, after all. Not that Hangyul agreed to it.

Not that he stayed on that mattress for very long either.

Normally, the both of them would be too tired to sleep late, but they were wide awake the night before. Hangyul had looked at the trophies on the shelves, all the photos in frames. Yohan had books and little figurines, and Hangyul took note of them quietly. All of them contributed to the friend he now knows, the boy still amongst rumpled sheets at 8 in the morning.

Normally, they would bicker at the dorms, joking around and teasing each other. But in Yohan’s room, a little small with the extra mattress, the quiet embraced them. Not that they minded, finding the silence comforting since it was with each other. Hangyul asked a few questions, Yohan would answer. It was okay. It was better than the chaos of the previous months.

They both chose not to talk much about recent events, for both their sakes. It was time for them to breathe, to leave behind the life they’ve been living for just a few hours at least. Hangyul saw how Yohan’s shoulders relaxed, something he barely, if ever, saw during the past months. In that soft sweater that’s a little too big on him, Yohan looked much younger than he actually is. His eyes looked out his bedroom window, searching for something that Hangyul will never place.

At some point, Yohan had patted the space on his bed beside him, inviting Hangyul to sit. He obliged, settling on Yohan’s sheets like he belonged there. Everything smelled faintly of the soap that Yohan used, and being that close to the boy himself wasn’t helping much. Hangyul never said it, never really admitted anything to himself, but he felt an ache somewhere deep inside him. That part of him screamed to get closer, to bury himself in Yohan’s familiarity and stability.

_ Not yet, _ he thought.  _ Not now. _

The other boy started telling him about his hometown, little anecdotes and pieces of history. His face lights up, proud and happy, and Hangyul wished he could take a photo somehow. Tuck it into the recesses of his mind to look back at. Yohan’s so excited that it seemed like any trace of drowsiness disappeared. And when Yohan gets excited, his hands start to move, trying to make his point with all his motions. Hangyul can’t help but smile at that.

Later on, when Yohan’s exhausted all of his stories, they decide to wind down and listen to music. Hangyul let him choose, closing his eyes and letting the song begin. It’s soft, and he’s sure he’s heard it before. Yohan started to hum beside him, swaying slightly to the music. 

Somehow, Yohan’s hand had wandered into Hangyul’s. For a moment, Hangyul opened his eyes to look at their interlaced fingers. With everything he had, he wished his loud heart wouldn’t betray him, but it didn’t seem like the other boy noticed.

And so Hangyul held his hand a little tighter, closing his eyes again to just listen to the song.

But as with anything about Kim Yohan, you can’t really expect him to just stop there.

Hangyul doesn’t know how many songs they’ve listened to when Yohan scooched over a little closer, resting his head on Hangyul’s shoulder. They both breathed deeply, with Hangyul trying not to tense up at what just happened. Yohan didn’t say anything, looking at nothing with his head on Hangyul’s shoulder and his hand still in Hangyul’s. 

Without thinking, Hangyul had reached out his free hand and cupped Yohan’s face, idly tracing his earlobe. He heard Yohan giggle at the contact, and he continued to do it. After a while of that, Yohan pulled away to pout at him, but Hangyul only laughed.  _ Cute _ .

It was always fun to tease him like this, Hangyul thought. He’d done it even before they debuted, wanting to see the other boy’s reaction. Yohan would giggle at his attempts, and it always made him smile.

It was soon after that Yohan decided that they should sleep. Hangyul was leaving early the next day, after all. Yohan shifted to a lying position, starting to pull up the blankets. Hangyul only looked at him, watching as he settled in for sleep. Yohan had noticed, shooting him a questioning look before holding his arms out.

Funny how with him, Yohan didn’t quite squirm around as much, even going so far as to initiating the contact. Kim Yohan, known for not being great with physical contact or people getting too close, opening his arms for Lee Hangyul.

And Hangyul always took that chance, no matter where they were. On shows, in the practice room, in hotel rooms and in their dorm.

Lee Hangyul will always take the chance to be in Kim Yohan’s arms.

So he shifted his position a little awkwardly to get to Yohan, his face smooshing in the older boy’s soft sweater and inhaling his scent. His arms wrapped around Yohan’s waist, and he snuggled in as Yohan closed his own arms around him, enveloping him in warmth. Lee Hangyul hasn’t been a baby in so long, but he lets himself be held like this, to be babied and taken care of by his best friend.

_ Best friend. _ He expected that it would feel weird, but it doesn’t. Not really. It made his heart fill with the same fuzzy warmth that Yohan has, and that’s all he wants. The thought made him snuggle in closer, like Yohan is this giant plushie that he’s going to hug until he falls asleep.

And Yohan was gentle with him, brushing a hand through his hair and humming softly. On most days, it’s like Yohan acts even more like a kid than he would have ever thought possible, but then, Yohan was protective almost, this softness to combat what the world has been. The thrum of his heart against Hangyul’s ear is the biggest comfort of all, a steady beat that Hangyul knows as good as his own.

Hangyul knows he fell asleep first, with Yohan’s hands still in his hair and the final notes that he was humming still filling his ears. 

At some point during the night, they had broken apart, and Yohan started to hog the blankets. Hangyul didn’t mind. He had woken up at an ungodly hour to find the other boy’s face a little too close to his, and he inched back. Yohan, though, most likely searching for warmth, had scotted even closer in his sleep, finally settling once Hangyul wrapped an arm around him again.

And God, did Hangyul know it was dangerous. He couldn’t let this be a regular thing, no matter how much he wanted it. They didn’t have much time, he knew that, he knew that Yohan knew that. 

Lee Hangyul knew he wouldn’t get as much chances as this after everything.

So against his mind that screamed at him to pull away, to go to the mattress on the floor like he was supposed to, Lee Hangyul pulled Kim Yohan closer, willing his heart to stop from breaking and willing his mind to rest.

_ It won’t always be like this. _ Hangyul whispered whatever words he remembered from the songs of the night before.  _ I won’t always have this. _

Now, wide awake again with his mind nagging him to get ready to leave, Hangyul finds it difficult. He’ll see Yohan again, of course, so why is it like this? Why now, when it’s too early and he doesn’t quite know how Yohan will react?

And God, he’s already leaving late. He’ll go out into the outside world with a shirt that Yohan rummaged in his drawers for, with Yohan’s scent all over him and his own heart left in Yohan’s bed. Nobody knows, and yet, Hangyul feels like Yohan knows.

When he moves away to collect his things, he hears Yohan shift in position. He tries not to look back, tries to will himself to tidy up and leave already. But Yohan, dammit.

“Mmmm, leaving?” comes the sleepy voice from the bed, followed by a yawn. Hangyul loses to himself and turns around, getting met with a drowsily blinking Yohan.

“Yes, leaving,” Hangyul responds, folding his clothes as neatly as he can and putting them into his bag. “It’s pretty late already.”

Yohan rubs at his eyes, nodding. “Okay. Be safe, Gyullie.”

The nickname gives Hangyul pause. He stares at the other boy, who looks like he’s ready to go back to sleep at any moment. It takes a few minutes before he snaps out of it, continuing to fix his stuff so he could leave. Goddammit Yohan, you didn’t have to.

To Hangyul, it feels like he takes forever to pack up, but in reality, it might have taken around 10 minutes. Yohan has already settled back into sleep, still bundled in his blankets. Hangyul allows himself a few more moments to whisper a soft “goodbye” to the sleeping boy, pushing away his hair again to see that pretty face one last time before he goes.

Yohan’s parents try to convince him to stay and have breakfast, but he insists on going, apologizing over and over. They understand, nodding at him kindly. Yohan’s mother still manages to press a wrapped sandwich into his hands before he’s out the door, and Hangyul wasn’t given the chance to refuse it.

He goes out into the world again, still mostly quiet because it’s still quite early, his coat and mask on, the sandwich warm in his pocket. Hangyul navigates his way to the train station, buying a ticket to go back.

And as the train moves forward and Yohan’s hometown gets further away, Hangyul takes a deep breath.  _ I’ll come back _ , he promises, more to himself. _ Someday. _

_ I’ll always come back to you, Kim Yohan. _

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on twitter @bunbuneunsang! (or @thefullergirl)


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